Should I buy my partner a sex toy?

So you're thinking about buying your partner a sex toy? First off; I love your enthusiasm and positivity towards sex toys - that's great! But let's pump the breaks a little bit and ask a different question; why are you thinking about buying your partner a sex toy? Is this the best course of action?

A hand holds a 4 inch ceramic dildo in a purple bubble pattern, while another hand reaches for it, against a white backgroundAre you hoping to make things in the bedroom more exciting? Looking to try something new? Wanting to surprise your partner with something more intimate? Sex toys can be an amazing gift, especially toys which can be used together. However, the first step when asking whether you should buy your partner a sex toy is to confirm whether they actually want one.

To some this may seem like a bit of a no-brainer - of course you should confirm that they want a sex toy before purchasing one! But before clicking 'buy now' on that adult toy sitting in your shopping cart, take a moment to think about the person you are purchasing for. How might they feel about the situation?
If you're the one shopping for a sex toy, then it stands to reason that you are comfortable with the idea. Does your partner feel the same? If you're not sure on the answer, then check first! Do you feel too uncomfortable to ask your partner about it? Then there's your answer.

Sexual contact with another person requires clear communication before, during and after to ensure both parties are comfortable and give consent. So if you're unable to bring yourself to talk to your partner before purchasing a sex toy for them, then I suggest that you don't do it. Not only is it important to confirm their consent to bringing a toy into their sex life, but it may save a potentially awkward (at best) conversation if you go ahead and purchase a toy before talking to them. Not to mention, most adult toy companies don't allow returns, so you're now stuck with a toy that won't be used but may have cost a small fortune.

A small white bullet vibrator and a rainbow patterned 6 inch ceramic dildo lie on rumpled blue sheets

So what sex toy should you choose if your partner is interested in trying one? There are a couple of key details to confirm before choosing the cheapest or largest option to try. When it comes to size; I always recommend going smaller than you initially think. In Aotearoa, our perception of inches isn't typically accurate as we measure using centimeters. A 6 inch dildo may not seem large, but it is still larger than the average penis length of the NZ population. Anything larger than this, we would highly recommend using a ruler to measure it out before purchasing - and don't forget to measure out the girth!

Next up is shape; what shape or design would your partner be interested in trying? If looking for a dildo, would they prefer a toy that isn't phallic? Or do they have a favourite colour that they would like their toy to be? Are they wanting a toy that is curved to target their g-spot or p-spot? If looking for an anal toy, would they prefer something that can be thrust comfortably, or is designed to stay put during play? Is a vibrating function a must-have? Is the material of the toy you're looking it compatible with the lubricant you have or are going to purchase? How long is this toy likely to last you before needing to be replaced?

It may be easiest to go for the most popular toy of the moment, but I highly recommend looking into these questions to ensure that you purchase a toy that fits all the criteria that both you and your partner are looking for.